Here’s the thing – life is so full of ups and downs that inevitably, we can suddenly find ourselves in all consuming despair. And the upcoming holidays can make the darkness seem impossibly more bleak.
But it is possible, and I believe, likely that the more you allow yourself to feel and think about life events, the easier it becomes to work through them. Fortunately for me, I worked through my sadness in my own way and within a few days, my mood is again lifted, I look forward to the celebrations, and think the struggles of the past couple of months will bring new strength as 2012 begins. Has this always been the case? No! It has taken me many years of practice, learning to appreciate life despite obstacles, including chronic illness, and accepting that it is okay to truly feel your pain and sadness provided you are able to work through it and move on.
Life has been more thoughtful than usual for me this holiday season. I suppose part of the reason is I have been grieving the loss of my lovely but hard headed 13 year old lab, Zoe which was preceded by my nearly 2 year old lab, Luna, becoming gravely ill from a uterine infection.
Luckily, Luna is back to her lively puppy self, chasing, wrestling, and playing peak a boo around the pick up with our 6 year old lab Homer. I still grieve for my stubborn ole girl but am beginning to move away from the guilt and forward to the future .
I have had bronchitis for a couple of weeks and when I went to the clinic on Saturday, I was threatened with admittance if the medication did not work well enough. When I came home, I sent my husband to be with his kids and grandtwins while I finally took the time to let loose my emotions. By the evening, I could express my pain to my husband through texting and when he came home the next day, he provided me the support and care I have been needing.
I still feel lousy as the bronchitis predictably brought on a CFS/fibro flare-up but since it was anticipated, I can adapt and manage accordingly. I feel so full of joy for having waited 50 years to marry the one person with whom I can communicate in my own way and own time. And I feel fortunate that even during the darkest days, my dogs still made me smile and giggle, licked my tears, and curled up close when I needed them most.
It didn’t take long for my despair to dissipate and begin to look forward to the holidays season with my husband’s four generations of family and of course, plenty of puppy play with the canine cousins!