My Health My Life These Days

Even the most optimistic person can have tough days.  While I do not claim to always look at the sunny side of life, I try staying positive and happy. In many ways, my life is exactly the way I dreamed with a wonderful husband, living in the country, with dogs and a horse. But life is far from perfect and my typical attitude of making lemonade out of lemons with chronic illness simply has not worked for me lately.

The past several months have been especially difficult.  Constant aching burning pain in my hips, pelvis, wrists, and fingers override the migrating sharp pains I am now so familiar with from CFS/ME and fibromyalgia.  Light-headedness, exhaustion, and ongoing headaches topped the list of symptoms at my next doctor’s appointment when I told him that we needed to revise my treatment plan as  I was not living well.  A record number of vials are laid on the counter for my blood and I joke with the lab tech that this must be a new record.  I wait in radiology forever  and finally my spine and hips get x-rayed.   I make it to the pharmacy just in time for them to fill my new medications.  I guess I should have kept my big mouth shut.

The x-rays show wearing of my bones and the doctor orders a Dexus test to assess my bone density. Uh oh, has my ongoing vitamin d deficiency contributed to osteoporosis??

A few days later, it struck me that I was suffering from a sinus infection. I waited another week, trying homeopathic steam, Mucinex, and rest to let the virus run its course. As always, the infection settles in for a long stay and I make the call for antibiotics. Finally, my head begins to clear.

The two youngest in the house confer on how to give mom grief!

During this time, I decide that I am long overdue for an eye exam.  One morning, I leave my only set of glasses on the night stand and discover a few minutes later that the kitten played soccer with them (she plays soccer with everything she can move with her front paws these days) and kicked a goal into the mouth of our youngest dog.  I don’t know if she made the goal or missed but I am certain Hooch could not resist the new toy the kitty flung on the floor.  Fortunately, there is only one bite mark in the left lens but that is my

Thai first found us at 8 weeks with a damaged eye. She adopted my husband and our 3 dogs and tolerates me since I usually feed her and clean her litter box. It did was no time before she felt at home and into everything!

good eye.  Recently, my right eye has become very blurry.  It was time for new glasses and contact lenses.

I make an appointment and luck out as there was a cancellation that morning. While trying to do the tests, I discover that I am effectively blind in my right eye.  Everything below the center is a total blur and there is a red dot blocking my central vision.  The optometrist immediately refers me to a opthamologist – do not stop for lunch, do not worry about payment, just go!  Uh oh, this sounds like a real emergency.  Am I going to lose my eye??

Hours later, the result is that I have what’s called a retinal occlusion – blood in my retina.  I’m not in my 80’s, do not have high blood pressure, diabetes, and never had a stroke. It’s a mystery why this happened.  I must wait a month to see if it improves.  It does not.  Last week I had the first in a series of monthly medicinal injections in my eye that dissolves the blood.  It was scary, painful, but really not that big of a deal.  I don’t look forward to future shots but the alternative of not seeing out of that eye is not an option if it can be saved.  Eventually, this should clear up and the likelihood of it happening again are slim.  Yeah!

Yesterday, I had the Dexus test and I am still awaiting the results.  I want to know something definitive for a change but don’t want another diagnosis. This may not make sense for many but I lived with the ephemeral illnesses of CFS/ME and fibromyalgia for so long that I understand them.  They are part of who I am.  I am not the picture of health but I know my limitations, what to say to doctors, how to exercise, and best manage my life. A new diagnosis means new life adjustments. In fact, I am in limbo now worried about doing any exercise beyond walking for fear that it may cause more harm than good.   Will I never be able to ride a horse again for fear of falling off and breaking a fragile bone?  Have I been doing the wrong yoga moves?  What is the best exercise for osteoporosis?  Is my body now fragile?  Is there a diet for osteoporosis?  My diet of trying to eat well slipped to more comforting foods and sweets as my anxiety increased. Now my difficulty in concentration is the result of nerves instead of infection.

The good news is that while still in a holding pattern, I am moving beyond the mental paralysis that left me depressed.  My concentration levels are slowly increasing.  My wish to again find my footing in the world of helping others is beginning to take hold. This is a new beginning and the series that I recently wrote inspires me.  My life great! I am loved and I love!  For me, those are the most important things in life.  My health is okay and once I better understand what is happening in my body, I will do what is necessary to feel more alive. Yeah, it’s a bumpy ride now but that’s okay. It makes the good times that much sweeter.

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Published by

LBWebb Coach

Passionate, compassionate, opinionated.

4 thoughts on “My Health My Life These Days”

  1. Laura, I’m sad to hear of how bad you’ve been feeling and relived you’ve moved out of depression,
    got definite diagnosis’s (nothing worse for me than NOT knowing the enemy) and have a plan for
    better health and getting on top of your new challenges.

    Most of all, I can relate to how life can change from great to horrific in the blink of an eye. On August 21st, my life changed forever, my52 y/o husband, Stuart, complained of not feeling well
    and went to the ER where a massive heart attack took him.

    They never got him back, he was gone.

    My wonderful, intelligent, wickedly funny, loyal, handsome, manly man was gone, leaving me
    and our only child, a 24 y/o son, Aaron who started college exactly one week after his Dad died.

    I, too, prefer to live life optimistcally, look for the positives and focus on doing the best you can
    then moving forward and being a strong, tough woman.

    This…this is more than I could ever imagine dealing with and as hard to deal with as my loss and
    grief is, my son’s pain is more than I can bear, watching him trying to cope with such heartbreak
    leaves me feeling helpless and inadequate.

    Being me,I try to be grateful for the many blessings, we were together when it hit (I took him to
    ER), I was able to pray over him and for him as he left this world and being a Christian, I know
    Stuart is with Jesus and waiting for me and I am glad and grateful for all of this.

    But almost 2 months later, as the enourmity of my loss sinks deeper, penetrating beneath the
    shock and numbness that I’ve been, the feelings leave me scared and wondering if I can be the
    overcomer I’ve always been…guess we’ll see.

    Praying GOD favors and blesses you and yours, Laura. Thank you for your wonderful articles
    that educate and help so many, including me! Love, Texas Carol

    BTW, I’m the one living in Tyler, TX seeking help to rehome my2 Catahoulas. I’ve moved back
    to Central TX…Hewitt, TX, just 3 weeks ago.

    1. I am so very sorry for your terrible loss, Carolyn. My emails to you bounced back and I would love to be in touch with you some time, especially since you are so close! If you would like to communicate privately, can you email me at laurawebb@lbwebbcoach.com. In the meantime, you are still suffering great pain, however, you can and will get through the mourning process and move forward. Your son and dogs need you and you are back to the home you love. Your faith will help you through this very terrible time. Having others to think and worry about certainly helps me and I appreciate you reaching out to me. Thank you!

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