The Phantom Inside Me

“Ow!” I yelp as I leaned on my wrist a bit too heavily.

“What did you do now?”, my husband asked.

“Nothing. It’s just the phantom is in my wrist today.”

This is a common exchange between me and my husband.  He seems to think that I’m a klutz.  Just because he’s seen me stub and break a couple of toes and observed countless bruises on my legs from bumping into things doesn’t mean all my pain is the result of some self-induced injury.

ghostI call these mystery pains, ‘the phantom’, as they mysteriously attack and leave various joints without warning.  These are the traveling pains that are sharp and cause weakness to the joints.  If the pain is in my ankle, I am unable to walk.  If it moves to my wrist, I cannot open a jar or bend down to kiss my husband.  In about 10 minutes, the attacker is gone and there are no lingering effects.

Sometimes I wish that there was  evidence that these illegal immigrants invaded my body.  There is no joint swelling and test results are negative when I visit the doctor in acute pain.  It confounds me every time that my symptoms rule out other diseases and rule in fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome.  I feel relief that  rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, or another serious more life threatening illness tests return negative but frustrated that there is never a definitive answer only ruled out diseases.  Furthermore, the elusiveness of these dual illnesses admittedly cause emotional setbacks at times.

Then, my husband says something to make me smile or I watch my dogs interact with each other or with the cat and my low mood transforms to joy at the simple pleasures that life offers.  The phantom slips back into hiding for a bit.  Yeah, I have discomforts in life but they are nothing compared to the simple moments that bring me joy.  I’m so lucky.

Homer and Zoe, who now romps in eternal fields and streams, made me laugh daily with their wrestling moves.
Homer and Zoe, who now romps in eternal fields and streams, made me laugh daily with their wrestling moves.

 

Luna and Homer at play at the lake.
Luna and Homer at play at the lake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My hubby being silly on face time with grand twins. I wonder if this cowboy would kill me if he knew I posted this but that's what he gets for not reading my blog.
My hubby being silly on face time with grand twins. I wonder if this cowboy would kill me if he knew I posted this but that’s what he gets for not reading my blog.
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Published by

LBWebb Coach

Passionate, compassionate, opinionated.

9 thoughts on “The Phantom Inside Me”

  1. I really appreciate your words. The pain is like a Phantom that hides deep within us, waiting for an unsuspecting moment to jump out at us.

    Most people fail to understand ‘why’ we have pain at all. Since we live and die at the cellular level, our is produced by nerve receptors, that alert the brain when something is wrong.

    The problem is, not within our nervous system, but at the cellular level. Once our cells lose the ability to communicate with one another, the damaged cells break down and die without any attempt or ability to repair or replace itself. Without the body’s natural mechanism to produce Redox Signaling Molecules, we will continue to age at incredible rates, experience long durations of chronic pain and disease. Asea is the world’s first and only Redox Signaling Molecule supplement.

  2. Thank you. I suffer from the phantom and many other things also. I have to find simple joys everyday to keep my emotions above water.

  3. I live with the Phantom too. It is a good name because the attacks are quick, painful and elusive. And no one can see why and the results are not recorded scientifically. So, only the sufferer is aware of these attacks. Of course our loved ones that live with us know too. Thanks for the words to describe the pain. My fibro-fog is too thick today to get it all out
    shelley

  4. You do have a disease! It’s called Chronic Pain! No matter what ignorant people think… it’s a real disease with real issues! To bad most don’t acknowlege this! As you can see… it does more harm to the patient to not recognise Chronic Pain as a disease!

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